doodling

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A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named “Administratium.” Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than one second. Adminstratium has a normal half-life of 3 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium’s mass will actually increase over time since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. You will know it when you see it.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody couldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.

Punctuation Substitution is a terrific way of relieving your anger in a way that only you (and a few others…) know of.

I have a small plastic bag with dice in it stuck to my cubicle wall. Below it are instructions on how to use the “Project Time Estimator.”

The project director came into my cube a few days ago to ask how long a particular task would take. I got the trusty dice out, threw them and read off the number of hours. She said “You can’t do that!” whereupon I pointed out to her that I had been doing this for the last two software releases and it worked as well as any other method.

She wrote down the number of hours and quietly walked away.

Source: Dilberts newsletter.

I have a joke about The Buddhist Hotdog Vendor. Over at Funny Jokes I found another story about the hot dog business titled Hot Dog Vendor.

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the edge of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee screeches to a halt next to him.

The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, and a YSL tie gets out and asks the sheperd - If I guess how many sheep you do have, you give me one of them?

The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the sheep which graze and says:
- All right.

The young man parks the car, connects the notebook and the mobile, enters a NASA site, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a data base and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then prints a 150-pages
report on his high-tech mini-printer. He then turns to the shepherd and says:
- You have excactly 1586 sheep here.

The shepherd answers:
- That´s correct, you can have your sheep.

The young man takes the sheep and puts in the back of his jeep. The sheperd looks at him and asks:
- If I guess your profession, will you return my sheep to me?

The young man answers:
- Yes, why not.

The shepherd says:
- You are a consultant!

- How did you know?, asks the young man.

- Very simple, answers the shepherd.
- First, you come here without being called. Second, you charge me a sheep to tell me something I already knew. Third, you do not understand anything about what I do, because you took my dog!