1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to use the bathroom.
2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, or screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is [...]
1. Enthusiasm
2. Disillusionment
3. Panic
4. Search for the Guilty
5. Punishment of the Innocent
6. Praise and Honors for the Non-Participants
The young woman showed up for her very first prenatal visit, so excited she could hardly contain herself.
“Doctor, is there anything special I should do since I’m carrying twins?”
“What makes you think you’re having twins? It’s really too early for us to tell.”
“I must be. I bought the two-pack home pregnancy test kit, [...]
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from Tennessee and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple days but on the third day he [...]
1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2. Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3. Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4. Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5. Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal [...]
1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can’t trust dogs to [...]
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named “Administratium.” Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force [...]
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody couldn’t do it. It [...]
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!”
Ms Brooks [...]
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
“Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing down the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, [...]