doodling

Another cool cartoon from bLaugh.

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Tennessee and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.

The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On that the first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Pennsylvania. He told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye; enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and telephone a landscaper.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. (Katherine Hepburn)

Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. (Katherine Hepburn)

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. (Lewis Grizzard)

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. (Oscar Wilde)

Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet. (Mae West)

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:
“Dear wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my18 year old teaching assistant. I’ll be home before midnight. Your Husband”

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
“Dear Husband: You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Motel with the 18 year old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don’t wait up.”

Jack was to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a fireside chat.

“Jack,” he says, “Let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my trousers, handed them to your mother and said ‘Here Honey, try these on’. So she did, and said ‘Well sweetie,they’re a little too big, I can’t wear them’ so I replied ‘Exactly. I wear the trousers in this family, and I always will’. Ever since that night we have never had any problems.”

“Hmmm,” says Jack, and thinks it’s a good thing to try. So, on his honeymoon Jack takes off his trousers and says to Jill, “Here Babe, try these on”.

So she does and says, “These are too large, they don’t fit me”.

Jack then says, “Exactly. I wear the trousers in this relationship, Ialways will, and I don’t want you to forget that”.

At this, Jill takes off her knickers, hands them to Jack and says, “Here, you try on mine”.

So he tries and says, “I can’t even get into your knickers”. Jill says, “Exactly. and if you don’t change your f**king attitude, you never will!”